Insults Delivered

One of the teachers read my poem aloud, and she was GREAT! And the response from the kids was surprisingly positive. She made sure she hit those punch lines at the end of each stanza, and the kids in the stands ROARED their approval. It was a really great feeling 🙂

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My Insult Poem

I wish this were tenfold better, but other than the time hindrance (exacerbated because I also had to take two days off to tend to my sick child) I also know next to nothing about football. Or the school we’re playing against. Information about either would have been helpful. ALSO, I am very very good at being insulting, but having to keep that content school-appropriate — that was harder than you would think. Also, with as PC as everything needs to be these days … yeesh.

Anyhow, this is the best I could do. It is next to nothing; I am embarrassed to offer forth such a pittance.

Final Note: The way I envisioned this is being read aloud by one of the Goliath players, as if he had written it for extra credit for his English class.

 

Tonight our “fierce competitors”
Are the Kathleen High Red Devils,
A team whose fame has brought them shame
On many different levels.

Their head coach is a mighty man,
A warrior second to none,
A man who hopes his football dopes
Remember which way to run.

We’ve all heard of their quarterback
Who’s known for his weak passes:
They miss by feet – they’re incomplete –
The poor kid must need glasses!

One time I heard their punter came
To try for a field goal.
He kicked so hard, the ball went five yards
But his shoe landed on the pole.

Their running backs run to and fro
Without a clear direction;
Their quarterback is always sacked
And can’t make a connection.

And don’t forget their cheerleaders –
What a depressing tale!
Their luck ran out – they want to shout,
But their team is full of fail.

So let’s take pity on our foes
Who can’t compare to us.
It’s worth derision – their best position
Is sitting behind on the bus.

 

Insult Poetry

I received this in my e-mailbox this morning:

Good morning,

I pitched an idea this morning to Mr. C********, and he said you’re the writing talent here and recommended I come to you.  Not sure if that’s high praise or being thrown under the bus, but if you’d consider this idea I’d appreciate it.

I was thinking it would be fun to have someone write a poem that is crafted in such a way that it utterly insults our opponent in a classy, highbrow manner.  We could then have a staff member don costume as a frail, meek individual and deliver the poem during a pep rally.

Please give this some thought and see if you’re inspired.

So, you know, suddenly I am Leaping Lanny Poffo. Still, made me happy to see that Mr. C recommended me.

I asked to know which opponent he had in mind, and he suggested I remain somewhat generic. I disagreed:

If, for example, I were writing a poem to mock LHS, I might include a line about us needing to “get our ship together” – you see? So I can write something generic, or I can tailor it to the competitor based on what you might tell me.

(Our name is the Dreadnaughts, named after big old ships)

I also thought more about his means of presentation and suggested a change:

Also, instead of a “frail, meek” individual reading the poem aloud, how about a big burly football player? Or somebody “Madea-ing” it up? I am not sure having some Poindexter go out there and recite a poem would have the greatest effect.

He seemed to think that sounded good, but ultimately they will do whatever they do. For me, for now, the task is to craft an insult poem. <cracks knuckles> Let’s see how this goes.

Ghost

And so I will be a ghost in my own home
Drifting from room to room, airily
Whispering words no one will hear
Unless they listen with caring ears,
Focusing on things perhaps not said
Or perhaps not meant.

I will flutter fragilely in the aftermath of situations,
A dim glow of remembrance when anyone does
Or a forgotten ember that has burned itself out.

People will see me in the shadows and say
Why is he here, what does he want?
But then, not really caring about the answer,
They will forget they ever saw me or knew me at all.

Acrostic Acrostic

Amazing!
Can you do it?
Really, this form is easy:
Only have to think of words that
Start with the right letters at the right time
Then make it all somehow make sense in some way.
I have written many of these and know firsthand their simplicity.
Can you do it? You know you can. I wrote this in just like three minutes.

Random Bits

Quote: I miss being who I never was.

WIG subplot – protagonist is dealing with anger/ disappointment because his son recently came out. It’s a motivation to his time travel. Returned to the present, he’s gay.

Contentment

A student asked me, “Are you content?”
“More than content!” I assured her.
“I’m happier than I have any right to be.
I have a loving wife, incredible kids,
A happy home, a job I love.
I’m as happy as I could possibly be.”

“But wouldn’t you like to change things?”
I shook my head. “I’m happy with who I am,
With what I’ve done, with what I’ve got.
Any change I might go back in time and make
Threatens to undo everything I know.

I can look back and see stupid mistakes I made,
Things I did wrong, thought wrong, said wrong,
But all of that was me becoming me,
Learning the lessons I would need to know
To become the best me I can be.”

 

NaPoWriMo – Day 30