Someday I’ll Say

I’ll say
the words that
will melt your heart,
that will change your mind
and open your heart to experience
all the love that the world has
to offer you and me and every person.
I will say the words with such certainty
and devotion that, try as you might,
you cannot deny their truth, and
your entire life will be
changed for the better
by the words
I’ll say


Shame on You (a.k.a. Poor Myrtle)

What the hell is wrong with you human beings?  That’s right, I have renounced my affiliation with your shameful species. I am not claiming to be “better” than you in any way, so don’t give me any retorts of that sort. You humans have so much going for you and you could be a damn good bunch of so-called “people,” but so much of your creative effort is spent on such foulness that it weakens you as a species.

What made me cross the line here? Two words: Moaning Myrtle.

Moaning Myrtle?

Yes, Moaning  Myrtle from the Harry Potter universe.

Here’s why, and what you human being are doing wrong:

Moaning Myrtle is not a character we readers are supposed to sympathize with. She is a ghost who inhabits the girls bathroom at Hogwarts. She helps Harry and Ron and, to a lesser extent, Hermione in the second book. She appears later (and I will have to edit this when I do the research needed to fill  in those blanks) and seemingly has obsessive tendencies towards several boys, but she is not supposed to be a sympathetic character. We readers are supposed to dislike her, or at least not feel any sort of kindness towards her. Maybe a smidge of pity, but not pity as in how-can-we-help: pity as in thank-goodness-that’s-not-me.

But I do feel sympathy towards her. A great deal. And so should you. This poor girl, who was killed as a teenager, was bullied by boys who teased her about her appearance and made her feel unattractive. Has anyone ever tried to make you feel bad about yourself? I bet almost everyone (and might even venture into “absolutely everyone”) has felt unattractive and unappreciated at some point in their lives.

S0 – and here’s the deal, so focus in – I decided to look for some Moaning Myrtle fan fiction, thinking that SURELY someone will have written a short story about Myrtle the Living Girl. Some sweet story about a good girl who just seeks acceptance and who is mistreated by her friends. How about this: She has a friend who really admired Myrtle but she doesn’t stand up for her when she sees Myrtle being harassed, then she feels bad after Myrtle is killed. What becomes of her after her friend’s death? I don’t know, but I bet we can hook it in to established storylines somehow.

Yes, I went looking for Moaning Myrtle fan fiction. Did I find any?

Those of you with delicate constitutions, look away now. I do not want to share such filth with you, but I want to show you how offensive you “humans” are.

Look away.

Looking at tags for the eight stories I found at the first hit on the Google page, I see these:

First Story: Voyeurism, Ghost Sex
Second Story: Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Bathroom Sex
Third Story: Forced Orgasm, Coming Untouched, Masturbation, Masturbation in Bathroom
Fourth Story: Menstruation/Blood Magic, Loss of Virginity
Fifth Story: Just some character names … this one might be all right
Sixth Story: Character names … but it also advertises itself as “utter crack fic,” and I do not know what that means
Sixth Story: Vaginal Sex, Oral Sex, Exhibitionism, Mutual Masturbation (I am not sure what “fluff” is, so this could be something or nothing … I’m not going to do that much research)
Seventh Story: No tags, just a description – “Myrtle … has never had an orgasm”

OK, sex is fun, and all of these things in the tags can be enjoyable. I’m not finding fault at your funk – you do what you do if it makes you and your partner feel close and happy and loved.

But does every story about this poor girl need to be about sex?

I am not a big reader of fanfic. I think it’s a great idea and allows people to write about their favorite characters to develop their backstories. But not everything has to be about sex all the time. If these were eight sexual fanfics mixed in among 92 other fanfics about Myrtle as a little girl, Myrtle at her 13th birthday party, Myrtle getting glasses, Myrtle’s first day as a ghost, etc. then I’d just shrug it off. Yes, sex is a thing. Sex is an great thing! But sex is not the only thing.

I will some day encourage my little girl to read the Harry Potter books. And what happens when she decides to Google “Moaning Myrtle”? These are the eight stories she will be confronted with. No stories of hardship and difficulty, no stories about being true to yourself and standing tall as an individual. Just stories about masturbation and sex and “forced orgasm” (I shudder to think what this might mean … again, I do not plan to do that level of research, to actually read the stories – you read them if you’re so inclined and let me know if I am wrong).

I know the easy route here is to dismiss me as a prude, but I want to reiterate that I have no compunctions regarding sex. My problem is that all of the focus in the fan fictions are about Myrtle having sex, and she deserves so much more.

You know “sad sack” people like Myrtle – you may even be one of these people yourself – and she deserves to be more than a punchline, more than a one-off joke. She deserves respect. She deserved respect in life and she she damn sure deserves it after her tragic death … and all you people want to do is figure her into your own sexual fantasies.

So go ahead, “humans,” and do what you do. I hope others treat you the way you treat others. As for me, it looks as if I have 92 fanfics to write.